Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
