Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
