I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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