party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
