I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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