You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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