i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Two words: blizzard sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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