you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
