That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's like iHOP with fire
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
