I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
