I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
