Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
