Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
