would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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