ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
