You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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