he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
