thus making me awesome and them whores
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
