Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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