I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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