i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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