is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
