OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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