Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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