I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
