saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
