i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
