if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
