You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
