She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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