it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I deserve this hangover.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
