my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i think my cat just said my name.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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