I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Even my vagina gasped.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
