Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
