just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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