There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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