you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
