My cat gives me a boner
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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