that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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