I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
