I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
