Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
