Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
