He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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