I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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