Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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