I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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