I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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