Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
