True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
