Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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