i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think your dad took our porno
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
