hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
