This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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