moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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